“A few posts back I mentioned that my beautiful wife of thirty years is a daily wearer of stockings. A respondent thereupon tagged me ‘the luckiest guy in the world’. I believe every man in my position probably believes he is similarly blessed. But it was not always so. When I first began dating my wife she was a pantyhose wearer. I have read the advice others have given about how to persuade one’s significant other to wear stockings and perhaps these tactics work, but many of them feel a bit deceptive to me.
“I told my then future wife that I appreciated elegant women. I do. I told her that she was an elegant woman. She was and is. I asked her if she would be offended if I purchased her clothing, all her clothing. I made it very clear that I would NOT be offended if she decided she did not like anything I purchased and that it would be promptly returned and replaced with something else of my choosing. If she did not like that, back it would go too. She agreed and added that she would continue to purchase items she liked also. It made sense to me.
“You are probably thinking that this was a very expensive and time-consuming venture. Not really. I have two ‘vices’ that I enjoy thoroughly and are not cheap. Firstly, I enjoy fine cigars and secondly, I love seeing my wife dressed elegantly from the skin out. I can buy a very nice dress for my wife for the cost of two cigars (my cigars average about $25US each.) The cigars will please me for about an hour each. The dress (and its wearer) will give me pleasure every time she wears it.
“For 28 of the last 30 years I have bought every article of clothing my wife wears except for shoes. I usually buy one or two items a month – not counting stockings which I buy 24 pairs at a time. I never wait for holidays or birthdays to buy her these ‘gifts’. I buy other gifts on those occasions, usually jewelry. I buy her clothing as routinely as I buy my own clothing. My wife is the envy of her girlfriends and co-workers. Over the years I have learned her tastes in colors and fit and I have matched them to my own preferences to reach a perfect blend. She loves it. So do I.
“My male friends (those that know I do this) probably think it a bit weird. I agree. It is, sadly, abnormal in these times to find marriages that have lasted 30 years. It is unusual to find couples together this long as romantically interested in each other as we seem to be. And, it is quite strange to find a non-transvestite man away on a business trip who is as well known by the clerks in the better women’s clothing stores as he is by the bartender in the local pub.
“So, my advice to those of you wishing to express your desire to see your significant other in stockings and gartebelt: think about it. I think you will agree that our beloved stockings are the finishing touch, the aperitif, the fine cognac. It is a total look which we crave. It is our desire to honour our significant other by helping them achieve an elegant style that glorifies them and reflects well on us. Be straightforward early on. Speak plainly, openly and honestly of your feelings and listen to hers. Listen closely. Then, seek a solution that creates a win-win situation for both of you. Be flexible and patient. Over the years things will change as situations change. Even then, seek win-win solutions. After all, isn’t that the basis of a good marriage anyway? My beautiful bride told me last year that a touch of arthritis is starting to make fastening her garters a little harder. So, guess who does that every morning? Yes, maybe I am the luckiest guy in the world and she says she’s the luckiest woman. That’s what I call win-win.”
“You may think me rather forward, but I assure you I was raised by my parents to always be polite and have good manners. I also am a strong advocate of PERSONAL CHOICE. I don’t agree with you buying everything for your wife, as her clothing should be to her preferences. Certainly you should suggest, but not insist. I cannot believe you would buy her underwear and bras. How do you know what feels most comfortable to her? I am a lady and could not begin to wear half the clothes others have picked out for me, as they are either too short, or the wrong fabric type. I have allergies to polyester fibrefill, which makes a lining in any bra impossible unless I want a bright red rash! I have to select what bras and underwear will fit me best as only I know what feels comfortable.
“Plus, my husband won’t choose clothes for me as he worries I won’t like them. Yet if I am with him and suggest something to him and tell him I like it he may go back later and get it.
Only five months ago I started wearing stockings. I had tried them as a teenager but with disastrous results. I have now found I love fully fashioned stockings and am surprised at how soft and silky they are, and how feminine I feel in them. I love pastel colors, except yellow and peach, and lavender. You see I also feel a lady should be allowed to wear clothing that suits her personal style and I have always been very different, not a trend follower at all.”
“Permit me to correct a mis-impression I may have caused. I currently buy my wife’s clothing, all of it. But, as I tried to say in my original post, in the beginning of our marriage she said she would continue to purchase things she likes. And, for almost 25 years she did. So, during that time we were both buying clothing for her. We have been married 30 years, and in 30 years one does learn a lot about another. She has become so comfortable with my understanding of her taste and my ability to blend it with my own that for the last five years I have bought all her clothing. Oh yes, she will sometimes buy an item she sees and must have. But the last time that happened was three years ago at a speciality shop in Captiva, FL.
“I am only too well aware of her preferences. I never buy underwired bras, for example, because she doesn’t care for them. I have learned, through trial and error and having to return items, what colours she likes. I know that she prefers loose fitting clothing and she loves empire waists. She hates pleats. She loves suits, she never wears pants, jeans or slacks. You get the idea. She is not allergic to any fibre but if she were I would have found out long ago and never purchased it.
“My wife is financially independent. She has her own career, her own substantial income, her own circle of friends and her own charities and interests. This is not a woman that one can control. I would have less respect for her if I could.
“I am fortunate to have married a woman who enjoys my attention, appreciates my purchases and fulfils my fantasies. I was simply trying to share with the group that when I first married her I believed I married a diamond in the rough. I think many people when they first marry can see untapped potential in their partners. Maybe some marry ‘what can be’ and are willing to start out with what is. I had an idea of how to cut and polish that diamond and she consented to let me try. Over the years she has told me that she saw great potential in me. I hope I have achieved whatever it is she had hoped for.
“One afternoon, early on in our marriage, I bought almost a thousand dollars (US) in clothing and lingerie. I had it gift wrapped and presented it to her that evening. I ended up taking about half of it back. I learned a lot about her tastes that day. On another occasion I purchased three matched pieces of monogram Vuitton – a wallet, a purse and a key carrier. I believe they were about $3500 (US.) She carried the purse (by far the most expensive item) once. She loves the wallet and the key carrier. Again, I learned.
“It all starts with communication. When I began buying my wife’s clothing it was only natural that we began communicating about what she liked and what I liked. Since I bought her clothing once or twice a month we communicated about this issue at least once or twice a month. For me stockings are a fetish. They are linked, in my mind, with elegance, glamour and sexual promise. For 30 years I have been communicating on a regular basis with my beloved wife on these issues. And, equally importantly, she has been regularly communicating her feelings on these and other issues with me. If more marriages were this way I believe there would be less unhappiness and divorce.”
“”I am learning the same lesson as your wife once learned. My husband has begun to buy my clothing for me as well. We have only been married for about 1.5 years, but have been together for almost six. He has complained that I was a frumpy dresser – long skirts, over size items – and I am not a large gal. I just have always believed myself to be large.
“Anyhow, I am continually amazed by my husband’s taste, both in the cut of the clothing, but the colours. He picks things out for me that I would run away from in a heartbeat. But, I try them on and discover that they are perfect! So, this is now his job. It’s difficult giving up old habits, though. My first inclination is to gravitate to the ankle length skirts, my husband to the minis. We’ve compromised – about knee length and sassy. As much as he would like to see me in short things, I need to feel sure about what I’m wearing, or I’ll appear ill at ease. I am getting better at trusting his judgment – so far he’s winning streak!”
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